Driving.............

I suffer from the condition known as road rage. I am also known to be a very aggressive driver. A very lethal combination if you ask me. I'm not shy to show my assertiveness on the road and let other's know who they are up against. I love the impromptu drag race. Always ready for those, whether they be off the light, on the highway or during a casual drive. All it takes is that look or for those other drivers to speed up while I am trying to pass them.

Other drivers need not be worried about me.....for it's me who worries about them, from me. Show me your stupidity, and I will make sure all others on the road see it magnified exponentially. I expect other drivers to act like they just learned to drive this morning, and then all of a sudden they think they own the road...or someone in their family does. I expect them to cut me off, make gestures out the window, say nice things about me or my mom (who mind you they've never met before, but seem to be very sure works in a profession that enables her to sleep throughout the day and meet and be in contact with a lot of different people), throw empty beer bottles or that Coke filled McDonald's super-duper gigantinormous cup in my direction, or pull out their gun and point it at me. Don't go telling me this only happens in the rough parts of town....cause on the roads filled with BMW's, Jags, Range Rovers and that lone Bentley Continental, that every self respectable town has to have, I do it.

Nevertheless dumb drivers never seem to let me down. I've seen them all and at all hours of the day and night. Drivers who use their knees to steer the automobile, shave their face, apply make-up, send an email from their Crackberry, reach back spank their kid jumping all over the rear seats, all while going 10 under the speed limit in the passing lane, with their right signal flashing. What I love to see the most are SUV and 4x4 drivers who believe that their trucks can do exactly what they saw on these glossy brochures only to find themselves stuck in a snow drift, stalled out in a deep puddle of water, or stuck atop a downed tree trunk. But me, I know what my car is capable of. I know what the car I am borrowing, renting or stealing is capable of. You just never know when you have to push the car to it's limit to avoid hurting yourself or worse....damaging that fine automobile you stole and getting pennies on the dollar for your efforts. Is it any surprise that one of my favorite songs is "I can't drive 55".

Disclaimer: Although I do suffer from road rage, no animals or humans were hurt during the real life events portrayed above. And for the record, I don't steal cars, but I borrow (with permission and thus no GTA or unauthorized use charges can be brought against me) or rent them from time to time with a valid license and credit card issued in my name.